The "complications" of keepin those pearlies white

We got teeth brushing goin on right? You, me, everybody doing the brushing. But one thing I wonder about tooth brushing; why is it that people feel the need to wander around when brushing their teeth, or just stand not in the bathroom? We feel the need to stand in another room besides the bathroom and stare off into space and reeaaally analyze that couch cushion like it has the answers as to why you can’t get a girlfriend.

I mean come on, why can’t we just stand at the sink and brush, spit, rinse, done? Now this may not apply to everybody, these things usually don’t, but I know the “Brushing Wanderers” are out there. Is it something with the toothpaste or the brush itself that compels us to walk around like we have a mission?

I’m guilty of both of these. I mean yeeeaah sometimes I stand at the sink and do the deed. But I have no explanation for the other times. Do you? I mean, maybe we feel we are missing out on something important. Any which way I believe it to be one of the life’s top eight mysteries, yes eight, along with another tooth brushing mystery. You know, the one where when brushing we think we can talk with a mouth full of fucking liquid and not have it dribble out onto our chin and go “oohp” and reach our hand to our lips in hopes of saving that toothpaste spit combination that is inevitably hitting the carpet? I mean was "I really wanna see that movie" so important that you had try and utter it whilst brushing, full well knowing your roommate is going to ask you annoidily "what?" Meaning you'll have to hold up a finger because the dribble is running down your chin while you rush to the bathroom?

Shit, I’m not blaming anybody, I’m an idiot too. I just wish God himself would come down and sit next to me on the couch and go “Latham, ya know, I do that shit too. And trust me, with this fucking white beard, it is pure hell to try and find that stuff in there. It’s like me looking down on the earth and trying to find a woman Cameron Smith would say no to.” That’s all I ask for, oh, that, and a Big Wheel that fits me. Those things are “the shit”.

http://wizznutzz.com/images/jordanmp3.mp3

and good lord


oh, and for good measure...

(taken at the elementary school my mom works at - Disclosure: also my elementary school - Full disclosure: i almost took it)